i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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