Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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