I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There's always time for handjobs
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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