A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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