Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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