I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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