dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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