I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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