FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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