Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i believe in u and ur pee
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize