I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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