If i come over, it means nothing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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