I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
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If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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