Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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