i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize