If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize