96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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