I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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