tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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