my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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