If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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