I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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