so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
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someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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