Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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