I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
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it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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