It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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