I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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