i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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