while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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