Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize