sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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