Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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