our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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