apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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