I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize