Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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