There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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