And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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