I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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