The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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