ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize