So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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