Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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