eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
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