idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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