She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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