Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize