this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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