The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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