I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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